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Hook, Line and Sinker

December 18, 2009
tags: , ,

Look, I don’t want to brag. But I have to.

I can’t show these images and not talk the talk.

Most of you know me as a photographer, and I’ll let you decide if I’m good at it or not.

But one thing you can’t dispute, deny or pass off is my ability to fish. Just look at the evidence.

Look at my nephew in the background. Stunned. Stunned by the fact my fish is HALF HIS SIZE. Right after these photos were taken we actually put his entire head INSIDE the mouth of the fish, which is totally legal in the county we were in.

They weren’t kidding when they named this species the “largemouth.”

Look, I’ve always been good at fishing. Just like I was always good at shooting, pistol, rifle, shotgun.

You see my dad was a competitive shooter, traveled around the US competing, but he had to work at it, nothing came easy. But for me, I could just do it from the first time I picked up a gun.

Same with fishing. I’ve been doing it since birth, and consequently I’ve become the ultimate badass when it comes to landing our scaled little, or not so little friends. Again, this proof is undeniable.

Just to back up my claims, here is a list to shut up anyone not already professing their fish envy.

I was born with gill slits.

I caught a 40-pound grouper before I could walk.

I caught a 20+ pound northern pike on 4 pound line with no leader, while fishing in a blizzard.

I’m officially listed as a “Canadian Master Angler” for smallmouth bass (We actually ate my record fish by accident.)

I once went “fishing” for an alligator with a whole chicken from Whole Foods.

I once caught over 100 fish in two days, and caught sunstroke at the same time.

Okay, and if that isn’t enough. Check the beard. I don’t think you can be a serious fisherperson without this kind of beard. I can hold flies, lures and line in my beard while I fish.

And check the vest, all seventeen pockets of it, and of course my stance, which is critical for any fish outing.

And just to keep the blogging experts from yelling at me for not posting ONLY about photography, that is a Fuji 6×9 on my shoulder. So there.

If you listen carefully when I approach a body of water you can hear a faint, high-pitched whine which is actually fish giving up. Surrendering and looking for my line.

I can’t help it. I’m that good.

I caught his thing on an Orvis flyrod, topwater popper and a trout leader, which was all I had with me. I could have thrown my car keys in and caught fish.

The problem is now my little nephew will feel the burning desire to follow in my footsteps, but in the words of the Highlander, “There can be only one.”

11 Comments leave one →
  1. David Wissinger permalink
    December 18, 2009 10:28 pm

    Photography’s not enough, huh? You have to kill it at fishing too? I like the way you preserved the relevance of your blog by noting the presence of the Fuji 6×9. Not a camera that’s familiar to me, so I Googled it. Kind of an exotic item with a cult following. “Texas Leica”, with the price to match. I keep wanting to try medium format, but I have no idea how to do it, and new possibilities keep emerging, like the Fuji.

    The images of your fishing exploits have a nice look to them. Smooth with nice, even colors. Please don’t tell me it was an iPhone.

  2. December 19, 2009 12:31 am

    These images were all shot with an old Canon film camera, my moms. Probably out of date color negative film. They look really good considering the light.
    The FUJI is a little slow to use, not nearly as quick as the Leica, but the sharpness, contrast and depth in the negatives is really incredible.
    I made some scan recently, over 300 megs, that are remarkable. I’ll be posting a few of them in coming days, weeks.

  3. December 19, 2009 6:42 am

    Jeesh! I thought they grew big fish in Texas! Here is Arizona, we might consider using one that size for bait… but probably not.

    I knew Curt Gowdy Mr. Milnor, and frankly, you’re no Curt Gowdy.

    I hereby throw down the gauntlet for a springtime bass fish-off in Phoenix, with Texas style Death-match rules ( in other words, none) to be followed.

    Are you Blogger enough to pick it up?

    -Big One

    • December 19, 2009 6:56 pm

      The only real fishing in Arizona is scamming credit card numbers from the retirees.

      Gowdy couldn’t hold my tackle.

      As for a fish off, I’m in, provided there are medical staff in attendance to deal with your intense sobbing, and for my fish catching arm cramps.

      Name the place, time and species and I’ll get Zebco on the line.

      • December 19, 2009 9:10 pm

        Dude… You are SO on!

        And by all means, wear that same get up you did in the pics, the fish will be swarming away from you to avoid viewing the plethora of fashion faux pas you’ve committed.

        Besides, you won’t have any time to since you’ll be too busy shooting pics of me holding trophy after trophy… bring a brick of film, or at least an 8 gig card if you’re using digital, and set your resolution as low as possible. You’ll need the space.

      • December 20, 2009 12:57 am


        There seems to be some confusion. Fishing for drug-addicted, lethargic golf pond fish, which live in a constant state of euphoria due to a nonstop ingestion of course chemicals requires about as much skill as fishing in an aquarium.
        I’m speaking of real fishing. And the only way you will find real fish is if I lead you to them, which I will do for a small fee. My offer was to GUIDE you to the fish, in my zip off short shorts, so that you can, perhaps for the first time, experience the thrill of setting the hook on something without the danger of being hit on the cart path.
        Look, I’m sure you’ve mastered sticking you arm in sunken logs in an attempt to land your prize catfish, but I’m talking of introducing you to the first world of fishing, a combat sport requiring razor sharp reflexes and crack timing, something you can’t develop at the back nine sludge pond you call a lake.

  4. December 20, 2009 1:04 am

    There is something fishy about this fish tale.

  5. Eric Labastida permalink
    December 24, 2009 12:27 am

    Let me guess, Tri-x film leaders for bait?

  6. December 24, 2009 8:17 pm

    Dan….I’m dying….right here, right now. On the floor in hysterical convulsions. I’m taking this across the street to a world famous Bass fisherman….he’s got the title for the world’s largest catch. Bill is looking nervously over his shoulder, I’ll tell you that.

    • December 24, 2009 8:23 pm

      The line has been drawn in the sand. And no, ice fishing is not fishing, it’s drinking in a hut.

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