Batman Returns, With my Wife
I thought Batman would live somewhere exotic. I was never a Gotham fan, cost of living too high for my standards, and a little dark and depressing. I pegged Batman for someplace warm, beachy, but with a cool cave for hiding all the high-tech stuff he relies upon. But no, he likes Times Square. Maybe he loves 24-hour induced daylight? Tourists? Sbarro pizza? Or that guy in the diaper with the guitar?
I can’t explain it, but there he is.
He also likes my wife. Get in line buddy, everyone likes her.
One second we were looking for an overpriced meal, and then suddenly, there he was, my wife in his arms.
“Just make sure she’s back by the 8am trade show start time,” I yelled trying to melt into the crowd.
Lucky for me I had my trusty, 15-year-old point and shoot with built in flash. NAILED it.
Other folks said, “Wait, wait, wait,” as they blasted through frame after frame on their cell phones or digi-point and shoots trying like Hell to get something to turn out.
“Wait, how do I turn on the flash?”
“Wait, how do I turn OFF the flash?”
“Wait, it’s all blown out.”
“Wait, it’s too dark.”
“Wait, how do I turn on the video?”
“Wait, my card is full, I need to erase something.”
“Wait, my battery is dead.”
“Wait, the delay is killing me, I keep missing it.”
Poor Batman. His muscled arms trembling, sweat forming on his brow, his cool suit starting to itch. I could read his mind, “Come on people, get it together, for the love of Robin.”
“Wait, my phone doesn’t have a flash.”
“Wait, it’s blown out again.”
Defeated. Low. Exhausted. Wife firmly planted back on terra firma. A swoop of the cape and he was gone, a little of my cash in his trembling hand. Defeated by the technology, but cemented on tiny grains of silver.
This was a poignant moment for me and for the Caped Crusader. He was cool. He is cool. But I felt a tinge of sadness.
Nobody should have to work that hard for any decisive moment.