The Uncle Filter Now Available!!!!
Okay, I know I have been somewhat down on the entire digital revolution, but I wanted to write and say that I have finally decided to play along. Yes, that’s right. I’m done with any and all analog and am going to run head first, again, into the digital void. I’ve seen the writing on the wall, and have been chanting to myself each night, “It’s better, it’s better,” in an attempt to rid myself of any “unclean” thoughts of that dirty analog world.
Now you might be wondering what it was that changed my mind after all these years. I can’t say it was any one thing, but there were several “events” that probably planted the seed, got the ball rolling or broke the camel’s back so to speak.
First, it was hearing a story about a digital “young gun” actually telling a crowd of people that there was “no longer any reason to watch a sunrise,” meaning that his computer skills were so good that he could digitally create something even better than what nature could provide. Whew, what a relief. I don’t know about you but sunrise and sunset are my two least favorite times of day. I would much rather be inside, in a room full of electronics.
Second, in the words of Homer Simpson upon buying his first microwave, “What do you mean I have to wait thirty seconds, I want it NOW.” In short, I realized the “instant gratification” of digital was most important. Look, at this point, my attention span is so short it has taken me three weeks to write this post. I’m gone. Done. I’m trying to get the camera makers to put a live review INSIDE the viewfinder. I want to see, feel, smell, post, archive and sell the image the moment I even THINK there is a photo to be had.(If I could only get a peak action indicator that would sound a warning horn moments before something happened.)
Third, video. I see the new generation of cameras have HD video capability. Now I know that some folks out there see this as the beginning of the end for a lot of photographers because the idea is that now ANYONE can use these babies. Stills took some knowledge of light, timing and composition, but with video you can just turn it on and hose down the entire scene. But for me, I see this as a good thing. You see, if you could couple this with the idea you can recreate the sunrise, then I actually won’t ever have to leave my house. I will just make the world up as I go along. Bangkok riots, no problem. I can whip those up in a few minutes in Photoshop, then film the fake riots in real time and sell them to CNN. This is awesome.
And last but not least, filters. Yes, filters. The same filters I have avoided using all these years, are the same filters I’m going to buy into as fast as possible. Some call these things “action sets” and perhaps that is a better title because I am, after all, a new man of action. Currently we have filters that make things glow, pop, boil, ferment, steam, shake, freeze and drizzle, but I’m going a lot further. I have create the first of many actions, and believe you me, you are going to want it.
My first contribution to the digital world is the “Uncle Filter.”
I know, I know, why didn’t you think of that? And yes, I already copyrighted this baby, and every other potential family action figure as well.
Okay, say you have a family shot and it’s okay. What could make it better? “Gee, I wish uncle Billy Bob was here.” Well, bingo. You hit my “uncle filter” and presto, you have Uncle Billy Bob right there in the background. Just like on TV!
I have included a rough, demo version, just so everyone can get a taste.
I’m lucky, my uncles are really cool, but that’s not to say I actually want to see them again. So now I have the perfect solution. One button and it’s like uncle is right there with me. Surfing, hiking, eating, sleeping, doesn’t matter, he is just ONE button away.
Okay, I’ve taken up enough of your time, and you are probably scrambling for your credit card. Wait, I only take cash! Please send as much cash as you have, to me, and I’ll send the action out just as soon as I possible can.
Good luck, and here’s to riding the digital wave!
PS: And just to drop a hint so that you can save up your cash. My next filters are “Unicorn AstroBurst” and “Mt. Kilimanjaro,” which will place an exact replica of this peak in the background of ANY image.