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Vote for Calvin

July 12, 2007

Vote for Calvin:

It appears as if this pesky conflict raging in the Middle East is not going to quell itself anytime soon, and I’m thinking if we had a new spokesperson, a new flesh-bridge of some sort, we just might be able to make a little progress in getting this meat-grinder war, or wars, to shut down.
Looking at Iraq, it is clear to see the merge of Sunni and Shia didn’t work, and neither did the purge. How about the surge? Nope, it didn’t work either.
But who the heck can we send to be our ambassador?
Typically, in this type of situation you go to your star closer, someone like the aging Jimmy Carter. Maybe Carter doesn’t have a 100 mph fastball, but his off-speed political tactics have worked before, as in The Camp David Accords. But, I’m not really sure what those accords ever REALLY did. Plus, our negotiators are always aging Caucasian males in suits, and I’m not sure that style is going to work yet again.
So, Bush Sr.? Nope, won’t work. He already had one war there. Bush Jr.? Just kidding, not a chance.
Okay, got it, how about Clinton? Gentleman Bill, not known for his foreign policy during his tenure, but now he is a pseudo-diplomat, at times. But man, again, an aging white guy in a suit. My gut says it just won’t work.
I think what we need is a new direction, a breath of fresh air, and I have the perfect solution. I know the person we need.
Calvin Broadus, aka Snoop Dogg, the legendary hustler and rap machine is the PERFECT man for the job.
In short, Snoop transcends. Snoop transcends race, religion and politics.
The D-O-Double G is about three things, making music, making money and making love, and if my calculations are correct, those three things represent the goal of at least 85% of all males in the known universe, including those raging in the Middle East.
They might not admit it, at least at a public demonstration, but behind closed doors the insurgents, even the mighty Taliban are ready to sample the goods.
Snoop raps about many things urban, violent and on both sides of the law, but under that facade, I believe, is a guy who is at peace with the world and with himself, and that is JUST the man for the mission.
Imagine Dogg rolling down Hussein Blvd in Sadr City in his “Chevy 64 Red,” with Dre, hitting the “Bubonic Chronic.” A mind-blowing moment is what we need and this could be it.
Snoop would gather the groups and say, “Bitches, just work this shit out,” and they WOULD. How could you not with him in his purple robe and jewel encrusted cane??
After all, the groups fighting, us, them, Sunni, Shia, Al Queda, Taliban, etc, they all lust after what Snoop has…..AN EMPIRE.
Girls, drugs, a posse, real estate, fame, celebrity…you don’t think this is what everyone wants? Wake up! Jimmy, Bill and George don’t have it, never will. Snoop inhales, and isn’t afraid to admit it.
And, most importantly, especially with the Taliban, Snoop has street cred. Let’s be honest, The Dogg has found himself in several uncomfortable situations with the law. Snoop might know his way around a weapon if you know what I mean, allegedly, and with guys like the Taliban, this is instant respect.
Now, I’m not even sure you can get him. He might be touring, and for sure you are going to have to redo the inside of Air Force One. As it is, the posse won’t fit and Snoop’s needs are beyond what the current administration has in place. And forget about Customs.
Is it time to get a little shizzle on our pizzle and start the drizzle? You know what I mean. It’ a dog eat dog world out there. Maybe it’s time to feel the bite.

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